Before the 2nd test began I spoke about how the Indian team had looked to Lance Armstrong for inspiration. Now that the Indians have failed the cycling god I am thinking the Australians should hop on the deserted bike and use Lance as a model of how to celebrate total dominance and create special little adornments to the mythologies that will spring out of their moment of glory, extending it infinitely. Immortality is not just acheived through deeds but through the style with which the deeds are presented to the world, I think Achilles knew this well. Lance Armstrong has ensured his immortality not just through winning 6 Tours de France but in the way he signified this feat of greatness to the world. On the final stage of this year’s tour his very own Myrmidons, the US Postal team, rode as a legion and, in defiance of race dress codes, had added golden strips to their jerseys, to match the maillot jaune of their magnificent leader – who himself rode a bike with spokes of gold and donned a golden helm. I would like to see something similar from the Australian team in Mumbai. As with US Postal they may have to cop a fine, the ICC may not like it – but anything the ICC dosen’t like has to be good for the game. We have seen Warne’s paltry attempt at gaining poetic immortality fizzle out – the small piece of red on his bowling boots was within ICC regulations and really, who saw it, and who cares – its Murali’s record anyway. They have to go bolder than that. What needs to happen is they need to go beyond even Lance Armstrong’s very effective yet very staid approach, they need to go to the pinnacle of sporting fashion extravagance. They need to give SOOOOPER MARIO a call! If he’s gonna cop a fine, he’s gonna make it worth it. I have no doubt Mario Cipollini will be being celebrated long after Achilles, Lance, or Warne have exited the cultural consciousness of the earth. If the Australian team can draw on the audacious dress senses of Cipo then there is no predicting how they will be decked out as they run onto the ground at Mumbai. My friend Katherine suggested that Dizzy should be wearing white robes and sandals. Imagine that running into the crease to bowl, sandals flapping, robes flowing in the breeze in unison with the mullet…

The epic poems are on their way; there will be movies made about this team, Brad Pitt will play all 11 of them (and the 12th man, Brett Lee, he will be played by Jet Li); there will be plastic figurines with their own web serials. Come on aussie, put your match fee where your wardrobe is and ascend to the pinnacles of glorious stardom.