the following poem is pieced together using (almost) direct samples from the rampant sentimentalising indulged in by the Channel 4 commentary team during the past 2 test matches (as if modern cricket isn’t good enough for them – they aren’t so keen on that modern computer digital stuff).

the modern cricketer lets go of the bat &

drives a fancy foreign car

with small backseats he

doesnt even try to bowl line

& length no one can swing the ball anymore

they cant get the seam position right the

ball only swings after its

past the batsman

or it swings in reverse

you wouldnt know if they could they dont

even try to bowl line & length

in my day all the opening batsmen had gritted teeth

we never got our trousers dirty

these new bats these new bats

where are the yorkers & slower balls

lovely old fashioned scoreboard

thats the way they used to be at every ground

over here i fashioned it especially

using my own carpentry set

its come up beautifully it was

an old fashioned test knock

the kind of innings geoffrey boycott loves

langers playing an old fashioned test innings

today thats an old fashioned tempo just

what is the modern day family old

trafford the bowlers actions arent side on anymore

the modern boot is very different from those of yesteryear

these are slightly more comfortable & very light

they certainly look different to the old

mcmurtrys hand stitched by

hope sweeney in melbourne & not

by foreigners you dont

see handshakes anymore its

a little high five or a punch of the gloves or

a hug & a pat on the backside angus

fraser in my day everybody fielded in the slips