The most unbearable thing about this entire Ashes series has been having to put up with Dean Jones’ incessantly rank expression of his opinion on umpiring. He feels a desperate need for the blanket use of technology. He says he seeks justice and the truth. His obnoxious, ignorant and frightening brand of rationalism is enough to make any cricket lover fear for the game that is held so dear – cricket is never rational. Cricket has never had anything to do with truth and the justice in which it deals is not a justice that can be easily pinned down, it can not be arbitrated from anywhere but within the immediacy of the game itself. Surely someone who has been involved in cricket as much as Jones understands the athleticism of the umpire, and the ability the umpire holds to lapse. As does a batsman or a fielder (unless they’re Dean Jones of course – if only the selectors had chosen him to bat at 4 for Australia they would have had no trouble retaining the Ashes. I think Deano may be the only player in the history of cricket never to have been dismissed for less than 150, his average must be huge). Sure the umpires’ errors effect the game, as do the errors of the batsman or fielder or bowler or groundsman or selector or coach. But it is never determinable how the game is changed. It is easy to say Warne dropped the Ashes when he put KP down during the last test, but its only wishful, frustrating speculation. Warne should be replaced by a robot, then we would know the truth. Geraint Jones would do well to call for the institution of electric wicky. The electric wicket keeper would bring justice back to test cricket, making it just like how it is in the backyard. The beauty of cricket is multifaceted, it is crystal – one of these facets is the magnificent occasion of having a philosophical uncertainty over the two states of being in or out. A batsman is, in practice, only ever in or out but one can be theoretically out while still being in, or theoretically still in while reading magazines on the balcony. Take this facet away in the interest of truth and justice and the game is nearing implosion. Jones’ technological rationalism, while clearly terrifying in prospect, is also deeply flawed in itself. And this is comforting. During the last test Warne bowled a ball that turned to such a degree that Hawkeye (one of the priests of truth and justice) did not recognise it as a delivery, it stated fervently that the delivery did not exist. Time and time again, throughout the series, Jones himself was heard to overrule the technologically based presumption of in or outness. A clear edge that the snickometer (p.o.t & j)failed to record as such was still, to Jones, a clear edge. Which brings us to what Jones’ really believes (he is too stupid to know this himself) – the only truly just arbiter of in or outness is Dean Jones himself. What Jones’ desire really demands is that at every stadium around the world there be built a throne, high up behind the bowlers arm, atop columns. In this throne sits the emperor. From this vantage point, behind balustrades, Dean Jones raises his thumb, or turns it to point to the ground so far below.
When I was playing u/14s cricket for the Merimbula Cricket Club in 1989, Dean Jones came to our presentation evening. I won the batting aggregate trophy and had my photo taken with the emperor himself. That photo sat, and probably still does sit, proudly on top of a bookshelf at my parents’ house. Now all I ask is, not that it be burned, for that is the stuff of great contests such as the Ashes, but that it be fed to the silverfish. I wash my hands of you Dean Jones. You are a traitor to cricket. Usually I’d be all for a bit of betrayal but you are in no way a traitor who commands respect (you are no Brutus, no Judas, no Aguirre) – based only in lame stupidity and arrogance your turncoat beliefs hold no value.
After the end of a series of sublime cricket, and, for British viewers, the departure of a sublime commentator on the game, all that remains is to dole out are the dishonourable mentions. This is a great dishonourable mention.
I am so pleased that I did not have to suffer the battering to reason Dean Jones seems to have given Australian viewers over the late series. Listening to TMS, my attention drifted at those who chuntered on about the virtues of technology in assessing dismissals.
Off hand, I think Graham Gooch was the biggest culprit. Perhaps it’s the province of ex-batsmen. I’ll wager Dean Jones was more generous than Hawkeye over LBW decisions.
There is not a generous bone in Dean Jones’ body
Is Dean Jones an Australian version of the species we have in Britain, Grumblemoanicus Yorkiborius, with it’s low, repetive call of “diddunt ‘appen in my day, diddunt ‘appen in my day…”, which has a similar osteological deficiency?
Absolutely. Except I think Jones’ feels it still is HIS day. Like he still would be better than anyone, knows better than anyone. He is one of the game’s immortals.
oh, and if, as you say you came to the blog late, you may have missed the entry which took the form of a poem made up of samples from the commentary about things the modern day cricketer does that also ‘diddunt appen in my day’. The entry was called ‘the modern cricketer’.
The use of the 3rd umpire to help umpires get a CORRECT decision is the only way the game will go forward. As a past player whose career depends on performances….And Against your better judgement..I have made plenty of mistakes and will die from them without hesitation. But when umpires make ridiculous mistakes as the tv portrays then not only the umpire, the player and all of his coaches, family and support staff has been let down.
Huge and legal gambling is laid on games and if there is incorrect umpiring decisions then we need to look at them. Look at Damian Martyn’s career. Its gone because of the poor umpiring. Look at the shit decisions made against Lara and Tendulkar and others.in Australia recently……We as media, fans and the like dont mind if these great players get knocked over because of poor judgement or great bowling…but when we look back on TV replays and see the truth….then we have all missed out. Technology is improving the game. Lets move with the times and embrace it and let our great players do their stuff.
Some of my good mates are umpires. The good ones will know when to go to the 3rd umpire and when not to.
In my commentary I am trying to give you my thoughts/opinions and hit a few 4’s and 6’s along the way. I am trying to give the feeling of what the player is feeling at the time. And yes I make a few mistakes as well.
And to answer there is not a generous bone in my body….I do not see you guys walk from syd to bris…Melb to Syd…Melb to Hobart and help raise over $3 million for sick children!
Wow! Deano! It’s great to have you here. While I still completely disagree with you on the issue of technology in umpiring and the ruthless pursuit of truth (millions dead, entire civilisations destroyed) I have no hesitation in retracting any negative comments I made about your bones. When one is writing a little thing like this that it seems no one reads it is easy to say things about people’s bones that one really doesn’t mean.
I make no distinction between the batsman’s error of judgment and the umpire’s. They are all just athletes involved in a combat of forces. The great thing about cricket is that it has no fundamentalist urge toward any great truth or final solution. May it flourish with all its pitfalls.
May we all flourish, Deano & myself included, with all our pitfalls.
Wow, you soon changed your tune…Deano, I agree with you…bring on the technology, it is the way forward.
Nick
cricket, like time itself, moves at tangents, never forward. this is precisely the trouble with technologies of truth. reducing things to heavily circumscribed courses. any further comments about ‘the way forward’ will have to include at least three clever turns of phrase or allusions to contemporary pop tunes (or a combination) before they are considered for approval
I say no to technology…come on…the beauty of the game will b lost with technology…i dont think thts the right way…and if ICC still wanna go with these sort of crappy idea, then i just hope they shld leave Test cricket alone…already they have tinkered a lot with the game….so yeah its the way forward…but not the only way…and i dont think umpires r doing..that awfully…