day 7 : warnes way

warne understands contagion – the way elements infect each other and unify through proximity. a long and ridiculous conversation between warne / taylor / greig about whether the batsmens wristband constitutes part of his bat. the replay clearly showed the ball brushing watsons elbow. had it hit the wristband and had the wristband been touching the wriststrap of the glove watson should have been out – the wristband becoming bat through a series of connections, bat, glove, wriststrap, wristband. taylor was able (so he believed) to prove warne wrong through a literal reading of the law. the glove and its wriststrap were defined as one entity – manufactured as such. the wristband could come into contact with the greater glove but it could never be glove (and therefore never bat). the laws hypocrisy is already evident as the glove only becomes bat through contact – in fact, as soon as the glove leaves the handle of the bat it ceases to be deemed bat (from memory the fate of the 2005 ashes series rests on this issue and the result of the series could still be reversed if retrospective referrals are brought in). the vital significance of warnes way of understanding is played out at another level. the difference in this test compared to the previous 2 is that the cook n trott entity hasnt been in the game. cook n trott (glove wristband shirtsleeve … sweeping up the world into its oneness) have been kept apart. trott has had to attempt to bat with strauss, pietersen etc. the connection is different. though a strip of watsons flesh was

visible between the wriststrap of the glove and his wristband it did not stop warne from recognising the potential for contagion – from recognising possible leaps. trott lacking cook has not yet made this leap. strauss seems irrelevant.

at the waca the wind blows into ian chappells eyes n makes him squint n gives him headaches the sun beats on the pitch n the glare makes him squint n though he normally even now never suffers from headaches it gives him a headache like barbados

1st day – no flintoff today

after an extended genesis a moment at last recognisable as the ashes – we ahab v the white whale.

all 15 days to this pointve held a sense of preliminarity – they were a setting up. figures were introduced developments vaguely sketched out erased reversioned alliances n rivalries suggested. but largely all remained unfamiliar. it is not 05. who knew what marcus north even looked like or recognised the work of hughess feet? warno did not appear his usual self. things were occuring in a strange land and the techniques of combat were not what we ahabve been accustomed to. ahab himself was sorely questioned. we too would be defined by this – that is were up for grabs.

we ahab pulled ferociously at harmisons length. prior to that clark proved a team is able to function without warno – a breakthrough in science. the pitchd pace n bounce. an australian all seam attack used this pace n bounce off a full length destroying the english top n middle orders siddle then tore the tail from the demon with short heroic savagery … tore off grendels arm

it was striking. it made an impression on the english bowlers suddenly they wanted to be siddle – to repeat his feats but the image they attempted to replicate consisted of only the heroic moment and not the considered movement toward that moment. drunk on pace n bounce they bowled short katich fed their delirium sacrificing himself early to a delivery sharply rising toward his throat. the bowlers arms thus spirited away from any bowlers rational control we ahab feasted. at least 2 of our ahabs pulls will remain as two of the greatest hits ever made in any form of combat. our ahabs innings had the platform of a masterpiece. in the background was everything that had gone before between him (us) and the whale. an epic rivalry renewed we ahab let our obsession run. earlier claras catching at 1st was exquisite. once nostalgia kicks in its immediately feeding the future callin it on.

headingleys a site of nostalgia flintoff the new bothams absent thingsre being reworked it is not 81 hughess feetre absent or belong now to someone else

the lords test remains 4eva the 1st test

m guessin no one made it to the post office by 9am this morning

curse collingwood n his determination his rallying of the tail – hows one to live without sleep. this winter cricket things not easy. when collingwood fell there wasnt all that long to go and one got the sense his incredible work wouldnt go unrewarded. of course panesar n anderson would hold on – panesars collingwoods batting buddy afterall.

throughout the match england had two figures. flintoff for brief moments earlier on in australias innings. collingwood. the figures were individual – they attracted vague satellites and the collingwood force was strongly residual in the final partnership of the match. it was less a partnership than a continuation of collingwood – an effective afterimage. a poltergeist. australia had glimmers of figures from time to time as they bowled but nothing really took over. warno was expected to mark the game but after some promising moments fell short. he tired too easily. too easily absorbed by the pitch. (the pitch endlessly talked up as a vicious competitor n treated warily by commentators all match also remained soft n kind – absorbed violence generally offered little venom.) in 05 in 05 in 05 in 05 in 05 in 05 in 05 in 05 05 in 05 in 05 in 05 in 05 in 05 in 05 in 05 gillespie had his bowling mojo taken from him by an as yet unexplained force. yesterday johnson seemed to be battling the same alien. batting australia was massive – the ripples from these partnerships will carry them a long way through this series. to this point the australian batting line up is undoubtedly a people whereas the english is one man. the australian attack is a people but a small beaverish one. the english is barely one man. yet the test match is reduced to nothing. there is little more lovely than a non test – the test with no result. the series starts again at lords on thursday. from the non test to the lords test – the test that ceases to exist to the test that belongs to the lord. its difficult to know what kinds of distances seperate them vast differences or intricacies. sophia gardens is some way from lords

clues to the actual extent of this measurement may be found by counting the number of times we ricky ponting anxiously spit on our hands n rub them together

WARNE A HOAX – PRESS CONFERENCE (exclusive)

it was stueys idea it was easy we just suggested warne and everybody lapped it up

as young cricketers around the fringes of the nsw state squad macgill and mcgrath regularly occassioned upon one another. early in 1990 over a wine the two discussed their futures. mcgrath had forseen his own feats and knew he was the greatest fast bowler the world would ever see. mcgrath confided in macgill that he (macgill) was the greatest leg spinner the world would ever see but that this would never be recognised. both players liked these fortunes. mcgrath told stuey that in order for these foretellings to eventuate some great sacrifice would have to be made, a sacrifice so great it would give birth to a miraculous figure. the exact form this figure would take was mainly of macgills devising. the next 6 months was nothing but work so intense only great entities could have survived it (atlas). within the year a prodigious slightly overweight incredibly charming bogan leg spinner played his first test for australia. another year on and mcgrath made his debut and commenced a career beyond anything previously seen, a large element of this being the result of a partnership formed with the aforementioned legspinner. macgill would have to wait several years for his baggygreen but when he did he was the only canditate to take the spot. his career was always interrupted and darkened by warne and by comparison with warne. macgill became the polar opposite of warne – he was evil to warnes good. the dark horse fed off this shadow and was nothing without warne.

we suggested a being so perfect everybody wanted a piece of it. at times it was a little shocking just how greedy people would get for warne.

WARNE A HOAX – CRICKET AUSTRALIAS INITIAL STATEMENT

cricket australia have just confirmed scg macgill and glenn mcgrath are the men behind the invention of warne. in a statement released early this morning they have commended the pair on the brilliance, fulness, intricacy and the sustain with which the hoax was pulled off. though they have asked that legalities be dealt with through proper channels cricket australias advice is that nothing illegal has taken place. in reference to the spirit of cricket the ethics of the ruse were questioned by cricket australia. mcgrath and macgill are expected to make statements at a press conference this evening.

the enormity

to try think that warne never existed – none of his feats were actually performed by a person called warney, or even performed at all. none of the scandal none of the glam ever had a real entity behind it. worlds collapse. warne becomes the absurd upon which all faith is based. to know that he is nothing but a false collaborator (an imaginary friend) for and constructed by two great test players to be firm despite everything that warne will make a comeback for the ashes

pink experiment day 1

pinkshort mid on short mid wkt mid on rsa look to capture hayden the beast tries with all his vast might to elude the hunters or blast his way free amla positioned at short mid on is an impenetrable knot in the net hayden has no respect and will enter into no negotiation with the field or the advisors thatre nothing but a reflection of him. he works hard but before long the beast is worn down and taken appropriated into the representation of hayden that is in production no form no shape loosely structured – defined – no longer free no longer free to believe

the enormity. given the days news it must be difficult for any cricketer to believe in anything anymore. we watch now as faith rebuilds itself with and around warne and the absurdity of his existence. in being revealed as never having had mortal presence warne takes his place as nothing other than god the nuns provide him with beer and drink to his glory

WARNE A HOAX – CONSPIRATORS REVEALED

readers the news story that is exploding all over the world is becoming too incredible. you might want to sit down. while this is still too hot to be officially confirmed its fairly certain the warne hoax was committed by 2 very well respected ex australian cricketers. stuart macgill and glenn mcgrath are thought to be under the protection of cricket australia it is hoped they will face a press conference later today

BREAKING NEWS WARNE A HOAX

WARNE A HOAX as i write newss coming in that shane warnes been revealed to be hoax. it is believed the conspirators identities are known to the authorities but at this stage no names or photographs have been released. whispersre goin round the hoax was perpertrated by people within or close to the Australian test set up. cricket australia have strongly denied any australian cricketers beside warne himelf have been implicated in the scandal.

more news as it comes to hand

your say: whatre yr feelings about the current australian test team?

myself i quite like them but feel ponting and hayden need to grow big beards for the ashes they need to start growing them now

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