The problem that one has to deal with after a bit of a mean & cruel post like my last one is that one really should be putting full support behind the loser, hoping with urgency that he will rise above himself and his oppressors and bring down their government. In the film Kung Fu Hustle for example I badly needed the perennial loser to undergo the freeing of his chi so that he could become The One, I needed him to unleash the full force of the Buddhist Palm technique and defeat the Beast and his Axe Gang backers. But I don’t feel any of this for England, I want them to never win the Ashes again basically. In justifying this I think it’s to do with the manner of loser we are dealing with. The loser in Kung Fu Hustle, when given the opportunity, grasps it with both palms and fully exploits it. The Beast lands a heavy blow and sends him sailing far into the stratosphere, so high in fact that he meets a Buddha on a cloud up there, The One takes the moment to pay his respects to the Buddha, accepts the blessing, and returns to Earth to bury the Beast once and for all. It’s that thing about taking your chances. Making your own luck. I’ve described earlier how Nasser Hussain represents another form of loser, that which has the world at their feet but lets it slip by, lets the opportunities fade. In Road Runner cartoons the viewer never, despite the incessant terrible fortunes of Wile E Coyote, wants Coyote to get Road Runner. This is because poor fortune doesn’t really play a part – there are always moments when Coyote has Road Runner within his grasp. But then there is always a pause – to ready the knife and fork, tie the napkin around the neck, or even just raise the arms a little higher and make victory-at-long-last all the more sweetly dramatic. At which point RR disappears underground, entering a tunnel, the entrance to which Coyote doesn’t make – and so he bites earth again. Nasser’s spirit haunts England still. In this article, Ashley Giles exhibits a paranoia that may not be ill founded – he feels that there are past England players undermining the efforts of the team in a bid to make sure they fail, for if they were to succeed the sad past would only seem all the more sad – the old guys would feel insufficent.

In the press the English lead up to the second test has been all ex players finding fault with and offering unwelcome tired advice to the current squad. On the other hand the Australian opening pair has exhibited a great flair for imagery and bristling atmosphere. Justin’s description of the English batsmen being in coffins (or MRI scanners) constructed by McGrath and Warne is chilling. But in terms of imparting a sense of cool foreboding, Hayden’s statement that he just doesn’t care about England was simply fantastic.

“In the run-up to the game, there had been a lot written about England, and I‚Äôm not trying to be arrogant when I say this, but I don‚Äôt really care about them. We know that if we are playing to the best of our ability then England will not come close to us.”

It caused a lot of fuss on the cricket blogs about the place but really, if Road Runner’s running at peak then WEC just isn’t going to come close is he? I love it. The general tidings are for a big Justin & Matty partnership. It would be especially great to see a century from Matty in this mode. What an incredible thing it would be to behold. The carefree century. Not in a joyous, high-spirited way but careless in that dark, brutal nihilistic sense. An absolutely reckless, uncaring, irresponsible mass of runs. Matty’s complete self-interest can only be understood when it is considered that the self-interest involves a deep, immanent interest in runs. A single huge desire for runs and nothing else. Matty assumes this desire into his being and puts himself in the precarious position of being nothing without runs. A big innings in this state would look and feel like a searing desperate violence – ‘Beat’ Takeshi in Blood and Bones. Its kind of awful but awesome – certainly compelling. It would be a wonderfully disturbing thing to see on a cricket field. I want it bad.