player profile for kp

(mostly its actually about warney)

lindsay lohan : meangirls

those bars i had him drinking him

putting on weight him drinking

down those bars

hell take whatever ya tell

him putting on weight

now im queen bee those ruby lips cant excite me anymore

he channels all his brilliance into sport

all that he can sap from the world i didnt see it til now

he always had his revenge

from the top of the stair him casting a satisfied gaze

over the boiling crowd

he controls

people are owned by

him regina george makes all the sluts fugly and the purer ones

exquisite by precise degrees

the strategy is impeccable see him

executing a 3 way calling attack

him ponting buchanan

his conference calling techniques are honed

you should see him

disseminating information yeah the gags

dont make him laugh they only make him feel like catching

practice

waca 2 v adelaide v

the lead up to the commencement of todays play felt hauntingly similar to the lead up to the 5th day at adelaide. australia needed wkts quick, one or two big partnerships could take the game away from them. at 11.43am on day 5 in adelaide strauss was given out caught at short leg and an english collapse ensued. replays showed that strauss had been hard done by, the ball coming straight off the pad with no involvement from the bat. at 11.43am in perth today strauss was given out caught behind. there was certainly a sound like ball hitting bat but replays showed that the two never met. from this point on england struggled.

in cricket time is never continuous. segments of time repeat themselves or appear out of sequence. many remember before the historic ashes series in 05 that mcgrath predicted a 5-0 result to australia. mcgrath predicted the same result previous to this series. there have been those who have laughed at for his tired prophetic attempts. but there is another possibility. in fact mcgrath only ever predicted the 5-0 result for the current ashes series. the moment of the prediction entered a purely cricket appropriate slippage and appeared prior to the 05 series. 05 5-0 is purely an error of memory. when the prediciton was repeated prior to the current series it was in fact being stated for the first time, the originary moment. 05 5-0 was one of those replays where for a moment you think you’re watching the live action and your heart feeling that a wkt has fallen enters your mouth for a moment .

takeshi kitano once made a film about baseball called boiling point (in english language world release anyway – in japanese release its called 3-4x 10 gatsu, which is something like the 3rd and 4th of october). discontinuity of time and narrative in this film is audaciously played out. film critic casio abe in his book takeshi kitano v beat takeshi discusses the films construction in terms of a theory of baseball. a distribution of characters and situations. at a very simple level a theory of cricket would seem to posit similar ideas. cricket is of course far more complex than baseball. kitano’s film i think is far more complex than baseball and in fact it is likely he uses baseball only as a culturally recognisable tool. if he had suggested a film about cricket it would have been far too obscure for any japanese production house. through this work kitano makes baseball into cricket.

pietersens range continues to expand wildly – rain god, new planet, anime fighter pilotdegas subject – the way he trips down the wkt and pirouettes v mcgrath.

waca 1 reversal

man i wanted to be at the waca today, the rickety stands and all the grass, the tones of green on the square were 2nd to none. the tonal modulation of the cricket pretty much matched it. giles looked frikkin great as 12th man – he’ll do a sterling job. pietersen looked brilliant with his little fighter pilot tache. the perfect maybe dashing maybe slightly dopey ghibli villain.

the match began amid endless chatter about about pitches not being what they used to, a call for the old consistency of variable pitches across the world as opposed to the new consistency of pitches. typical traits. always on the first morning at the waca. never enough slips in the cordon for channel 9. the start of the match was almost identical to the start at the gabba, langer off the mark playing off his toes and falling over and then lots of loose but safe shots through gaps or over the cordon for 4. australia let loose and going wild. then hoggard produced a near perfect ball to dismiss hayden & then ponting in the form off his life v harmison out of the form of his life but with one ball the reversal the series needed and harmy’s joy was unrestrained. it was as though the series started all over again again.

after these two wkts the game tightened up immensely. tight bowling, considered fighting batting. the day went on. wkts came out of the blue, just when australia looked to be cementing solid partnerships. no particularly great deliveries or poor shots but wkts all the same. i think langer let panesar bowl him just to make some sort of point about previous english selection – a sacrifice for the good of the game. he vaguely kind of pretended to try and keep it out. panesar was a joy to watch he had a bit of dance in his delivery and he ejects the ball on a nice trajectory. and the wkt comes he’s got a heap o dance in him then. symonds was a one over wonder and god its great to have him back too. harmison bowled a great spell to the tail.

with panesar in and harmison in form the english team is almost far too likeable. i guess the batsmen are still poms and lack any charm (barring KP of course), but as a bowling side i reckon theyre tops.

but if id been at the waca i would have missed the highlights reel of martos career that they played during the cricket show. i couldve watched it forever. hope theres a dvd.

adelaide oval forever – day 5 : re-entry

hours now after the end of the test match and im struggling to readjust to life outside the adelaide oval. theres still damp laundry in the machine that i must have put on this morning though i dont remember it. the dishes haven’t been done since day 1. i want that feeling of euphoria at the end of a great test match to last forever. i haven’t eaten & there is no food in the flat but food isnt much of a necessity in comparison to test cricket.

there’s a negative presence in the england squad and he will certainly be dropped my fear is that its too late today the negativity was already festering & spreading in the adelaide heat

flintoffs face as he ran in to bowl his final few overs of the match was devastatingly sad to behold. he was in all sorts of pain ankle and heart busting himself to keep his head up and carry his team boldly onward in a situation where boldness was as scarce as water.

adelaide oval forever – day 4, or, to be inside the head of a channel 9 cricket commentator

as the day began the excitement was the same as in the lead up to day 1 in brisbane. it was as if the ashes were commencing all over again. everything was totally back on. every delivery was going to be vital. the game was about to explode into action. one explosive period of play from any cricketer could turn the series. gilchrist began to explode. shortly after he brought up his 50 bill lawry had him on a hundred before lunch. this made me think about how wonderful it would be to reside for a while inside the head of a channel 9 cricket commentator – the scenarios that get played out there, the fantastic ecstasies they live through. when warne reached 22 heals had him reaching his maiden test century.

throughout the early periods of play gilchrist was visibly and bravely battling his own fragility. he was circumspect and feeling for things that may or may not have been there. as i watched i could see these feelings becoming more certain. the explosion began to take shape. travesty of travesty when he fell to giles. giles had nothing but his own awful bowling to thank for the wkt. his only weapon is how poor his bowling is. i was actually getting quite angry watching him bowl today. i dont like writing negative stuff about test cricketers mostly i think theyre all frikkin ace, but im afraid ashley crossed a threshold today – im not going to hold back, he is shithouse. warne was fresh at the crease. it was really the moment for england to launch one last big press to keep the chance of victory alive. astoundingly giles went over the wkt and bowled into the rough outside leg stump. warney just kept padding him away. i found giles decision making completely unbelievable. warne himself resorted to this tactic during england’s first innings, but it was forced upon him by the new planet, the new god. giles was bowling to warne and he still had no belief that he could actually get him out. giles was as full of fear of the batting prowess of warne as warne had been of pietersen. ashley giles is a bane to the game of cricket. one can easily envisage, even without being a channel 9 cricket commentator, that had giles bowled in any ordinary combative manner, england could have gone into the second innings still leading by 130 runs or so. the sooner he is poached by the english lawn bowls team the better for cricket.

it was nice watching clarke reading the shape of the deliveries.

oh yeah and clarke was dropped by giles off his own bowling – a chance that giles barely remembered even to make an effort to catch. instead he ended up in this lawn bowls pose.

day 7 poem

since david fine’s been writing poems to the tune of various little well known ditties i thought id take a liberty

to the tune of the unguarded moment (the church) and the character array of mean girls

see him disseminating information

i knew youd find him drinking

down those bars with carbs for dust

yeah the gags dont make me laugh

they only make me feel like catching

practice

(key : the first person (lohan) is KP the 3rd is el warno the 2nd is ponting & buchanan )