20 out of 20

Oh what irresistible fun the 20 20 match turned out to be the other night. What an inane giggly joy it brought about and sustained (for at least 23 or 24 overs out of the 40). How splendid the Australians looked in their grey or gun metal or … hell the uniforms were SILVER. The intense moment of joy when one realises it actually says MARTO on the back of Marto‘s shirt, or PUNTER on Punter‘s… the intrigue of trying to discover who SARFRAZ really is, or the daytime identity of the cleverly disguised MR CRICKET

I think it’s the same or a similiar joy (as least quantatively) to the one Punter antcipates so earnestly in the field (the joy of the sharp piece of fielding, the direct hit or the impossibly quick snare). This adrenalin filled anticipation was made palpable by the superb socio/psychological experiment carried out by Channel 9 whereby the team’s captains were wired for sound and briefly at points throughout the commentary were asked to answer questions from the commentating team. Ponting was prowling about like a hungry tiger bouncing up and down and walking backwards and forwards and in cirlces, waiting for the ball to be delivered and something great to happen, talking at 160 km/hr.

The only disappointment of the evening was that Ice Cold 3000 didn’t get to play. It was unfathomable really, the high drama of 20 20 would seem perfect for a player with Nel’s professional theatrical experience. He should have at least had a mic, and a camera following whatever sneaky, dastardly tricks he was getting up to while everyone else was thoroughly distracted by the game.

Andre Nel Ice Cold 3000

The crowd shouting ‘Nel is a wanker’ could be far more ingenious and turn the chant into ‘Nel is a baddy’. He is the archetypal panto villain. The crowd should be shouting ‘he’s behind you’ to the umpire as he runs in to bowl. They’ve got the booing down to a tee it must be said. The air is always thick with nelodrama when he’s skulking around the corner!

Nelodrama

Hayden’s innings was a masterpiece. It reached its pinnacle during the spell from Ntini immediately following lunch. The ball by ball commentary read like this:

Ntini to Hayden, no run, left alone outside off stump.

Ntini to Hayden, no run, left alone outside off stump.

Ntini to Hayden, FOUR, good shot! pitched up outside off stump, drives well past the short cover to the fence.

Ntini to Hayden, no run, left alone outside off stump.

Ntini to Hayden, no run, left alone outside off stump.

Ntini to Hayden, no run, left alone outside off stump.

Ntini to Hayden, no run, left alone outside off stump.

Ntini to Hayden, no run, left alone outside off stump.

Ntini to Hayden, no run, left alone outside off stump.

Ntini to Hayden, no run, left alone outside off stump.

Ntini to Hayden, FOUR, good shot! pitched up outside off stump, drives well past the short cover to the fence.

Ntini to Hayden, no run, left alone outside off stump.

Ntini to Hayden, no run, left alone outside off stump.

Ntini to Hayden, FOUR, good shot! pitched up outside off stump, drives well past the short cover to the fence.

Ntini to Hayden, no run, left alone outside off stump.

Ntini to Hayden, FOUR, good shot! pitched up outside off stump, drives well past the short cover to the fence.

Ntini to Hayden, no run, left alone outside off stump.

Ntini to Hayden, no run, left alone outside off stump.

Ntini to Hayden, no run, left alone outside off stump.

Ntini to Hayden, no run, left alone outside off stump.

Ntini to Hayden, no run, left alone outside off stump.

Ntini to Hayden, no run, left alone outside off stump.

Ntini to Hayden, no run, left alone outside off stump.

Ntini to Hayden, FOUR, good shot! pitched up outside off stump, drives well past the short cover to the fence.

Ntini to Hayden, no run, left alone outside off stump.

Ntini to Hayden, no run, left alone outside off stump.

Ntini to Hayden, FOUR, good shot! pitched up outside off stump, drives well past the short cover to the fence.

and on like that interminably. A binary innings. Both teams were in complete control. The South African bowlers (not just Ntini) with a stacked field covering the off drive were relentlessly pitching up outside off stump. Hayden was rigorous in his leaving. His patience was impeccable, waiting for that aberrant delivery which would from time to time enter his strike zone and disappear to the boundary. Two relentless modulations making up an utterly mesmerising innings. It was sad and a terrible shock when Hayden eventually played loosely at a ball that was clearly just a little too wide and edged to slip.

Urn Malley had been dreaming of Hayden and Ponting being still at the crease together as the evening came in, as the shadows lengthened and the sun’s angle made the persistent yet weary South Africans look like they were starting to blend with the gleaming golden grass. Golden exhausted fielders at the end of an epic day’s partnership.

Dreams shattered by the melodrama that is Andre Nel.